The New Trauma for the Parents of Our Baby Grandchildren and How We Grandparents Have the Key to Alleviate the Angst

There is a new trauma for the parents of our baby grandchildren and we grandparents have the key to alleviate the angst.

The controversy is over baby led feeding or spoon feeding. It is the subject of a

excellent and lengthy article of The New York Times online, “Too Young for Teeth, but Not for Steak or Corn?” Reprinted from August 20, 2024, By Katie J. M. Baker.

The article clearly sets forth the differences between spoon feeding and baby led weaning, all the definitions and all the controversies, the intervention of big business and technology, and the emotional trauma of having to pick sides, whether conscientiously or dabbling, and details how to go about baby fed weaning if you choose to do it, along with the apps to get.

As with my research on the family bed, I find my research on this issue, comes back to the experience of having lived a long life, raised children, and watching my children raise their children. Here is the link to my blog on the family bed, “As the Grandma Sandwich, This Grandma Rethinks “The Family Bed” Again and Its Impact on Our Grandchildren Getting Married and Becoming a Great Grandparent.”

My younger daughter, now closer to age 50 than age 40, would grab the spoon, starting at age three months, if I tried to feed her, and would not eat unless she fed herself. The term baby led weaning did not exist, but if I created one because of her habit of eating, it would have a curse word in it.

Being that she was my second child, I did not want to fight with her three times a day, as that was exhausting. So, I would try to start with feeding her and quickly would give up and let her feed herself.

Every meal ended in a bath. She had food in her ears, food on her eyelashes, food in her diaper, food between her toes, food everywhere. Yes, this was pureed mashed baby food or cereal. I wish I knew about that contraption that you put around a high chair to keep food from going everywhere. I bet there are the mothers in this generation who are either in the same boat as I was who do baby fed weaning by survival, and not only by choice.

From my own experience, the pictures of the babies covered with food that accompanied the article and the first major quote from the lengthy article that resonated with me was,”[o]thers say they feel guilty for not wanting to deal with all the cleanup that baby-led weaning requires.”

I could not go out to eat with my baby and join the other mothers with their babies for luncheons. I was actually tied to the house because of what I did not know was baby fed

weaning by my strong-willed baby who has turned into a strong-willed woman.

The second part of the article that resonated with this Grandma was “…. the online communities can be doctrinaire — to the point that Mrs. Rapley, the pioneer of the concept of baby-led weaning, specifies on her website that she doesn’t believe anyone “should feel ostracized” if they choose not to follow the practice “to the letter,” such as occasionally spoon-feeding their baby.”

In my generation, whether to breast-feed or not breast-feed was the great controversy, and the discussion was local. That’s how old I am and how long ago I was a mother of babies. Today, with social media, the controversies are worldwide. The newest is the carnivore diet for babies and toddlers!

So, if you read my blog post on the family bed, you know my thoughts on this controversy. This is not an issue of right and wrong. It is not something to be traumatized over when you are the parents of a baby or the grandparents watching the parents of a baby. The article admits that in the first year of life, the baby gets most of its nutrients from either breast-feeding or formula, so feeding anything else is more like an afterthought.

Baby led weaning is messy and time-consuming, and can be a welcome activity

between mother and father and baby if it is not a compulsion. If it is fun activity with

experimentation and singing and laughing, then it can’t be a bad thing. I can assure you

that meal time was not a happy event with my younger daughter. I didn’t have the

gadgets, even a bib they can catch some food, that today’s parents have to limit the

mess.

This Grandma is more concerned about how baby led weaning can limit the social life of

the parents, which is more detrimental to the family.

So, this Grandma has to end with the advice I consider sage advice that I do give the parents of my grandchildren on every issue, which is the key to alleviating all angst. I always say that whatever the parents of the babies decide is fine. Parents do not have to worry about anything the baby does or does not do and when. When the baby grows up and ultimately walks down the aisle at their wedding, they will know how to properly use utensils, and hopefully not be making a mess when they eat the wedding dinner, but yes, they should make a mess when the pictures of them eating their wedding cake are taken, with

Joy,

Mema