Where Are We Now? Finding Ourselves in Every Decade of Adulthood, Twenties to Eighties

Within the last several months, I have felt a sudden compulsion to address the Holocaust in my life and write a memoir of how the Holocaust impacted my family and me. Until this point, I could not see movies about the Holocaust, I could not read books about the Holocaust. I could not deal with the Holocaust as a child of Holocaust survivors.

This turnabout has perplexed me. Because of this new compulsion, I just returned from a Jewish Heritage tour to Eastern Europe, visited Poland and traced my family’s roots. One of the friends I made on this trip happens to be the first cousin of Dr. Hadas Wiseman, a leading expert of intergenerational transmission of Holocaust trauma. After connecting with her, Dr. Wiseman sent me an article to read, “Memoirs of Child Survivors of the Holocaust: Processing and Healing of Trauma Through Writing.”

I related to this study.

“ . . .many [child] survivors have reported that after reaching an advanced age, they beganm to feel an uncontrolled urge or need to share their memories . . .”

“. . .this is in keeping with the developmental stage of old age, which accordi g to Erikson (1950) involves a person’s need for a ‘whole’ life story and a process of review of different stages in one’s life ….”

Erikson answered my questions. Can he answer yours as to where you are in your decade of adulthood and why? I think yes. Erik Erikson, a developmental psychologist and psychoanalyst, developed the theory which is now known as “The Erikson Stages of Development,” “looking athuman development in a social context, the idea that children are not simply biological organisms that endure, nor products of the psyche in isolation.

Rather, they develop in the context of society’s expectations, prohibitions, and prejudices.” Hmm. Society’s expectations, prohibitions, and prejudices are what we adults face every single minute of every single day.

Erik Erikson’s theory describes eight stages of psychosocial development across a lifetime, identifying a central conflict or developmental task for each of the stages. Erikson describes three stages in adulthood. However, I think his theory can apply to each decade in adulthood and help us understand where we each are in this world. I thought I was in a unique context, but I am just ordinary, an ordinary “aged” person. Why couldn’t there be a different word than “old age”?

Please review my interpretations and see if anything resonates with you. If anything does, please check Erikson psychosocial stages of development online in more detail and its various formations and interpretations as applied to you and where you find yourself in life.

TWENTIES: Learning who you are is what I call it. The task, according to Erikson interpreted by me, is forming deep emotional connections while maintaining one’s own identity, finding love, connections, and relationships.

THIRTIES: Reaching out beyond one’s self in relationships, work, family, and

community is what I call it. The tasks, according to Erikson interpreted by me, are advancing career, deepening commitments and beginning to contribute beyond the self, while still caring for self.

FORTIES: Continue from the 30s, deepening long-term commitments and contributions, but be careful about the midlife crisis is what I call it. The tasks, according to Erikson Interpreted by me, are developing and deepening long-term contributions, creating and nurturing the things that will last oneself, as in family, work, and community. Reassess life goals (midlife

reevaluation).

FIFTIES: The success decade or not, making it, and the hardest working decade of your life is what I call it. The tasks, according to Erikson interpreted by me, are expanding contributions, strengthening community and social ties, accomplishments, and reinforcing

sense of life purpose. Expanding legacy, nurturing, and adapting to changing roles.

SIXTIES: The wisdom decade is what I call it, emerging peace and finally, perspective. The first really good decade of life, according to me, something surprisingly good to look forward to. You have time to breathe! 

The tasks, according to Erikson interpreted by me, is reflecting on one’s life with acceptance and satisfaction (or regret), maybe (or maybe not) the beginning of accepting aging, maintaining social connections, wisdom sharing, and finding peace with past choices. Reviewing life meaning and legacy.

SEVENTIES: Continuation of the end of the 60s, wisdom, is what I call it. Finding meaning in life and sharing, inner peace, and a sense of wholeness. The tasks, according to Erikson interpreted by me, are coming to terms with one’s life choices, including accepting losses, accepting life as it was lived, not as it might have been, strengthening spiritualism, and offering guidance to younger generations. Finding coherence and wholeness in life’s story.

EIGHTIES+: (Erickson was born June 15, 1902 and died May 12, 1994 at 91 years old. I wish he wrote about the 90s and not ended at the 80s.) I have no personal opinion, as I have not reached this stage.

The tasks, according to Erikson as interpreted by me, are accepting the totality of one’s life and preparing for the end with peace, transcendence and wisdom; a sense of fulfillment and completion, facing mortality with peace versus fear and regret.

Please go further with finding out how Erikson’s psychosocial stages of development impact your children, and grandchildren, if you are so inclined, as he addresses all the stages of life.

You might be surprised, as I was, to find yourself as clearly now in Erikson’s psychosocial stages of development. Or, maybe keep this blog post and look later when something happens in your life, as happened in mine, which I just couldn’t figure out.

Joy,

Mema